Sunday, March 28, 2010

Relaxing weekend and a spa day

I am lucky that I do not have class on Friday, so I get to enjoy a three day weekend. Not to mention that I get done with classes at noon on Thursday and do not have class again until 2:30pm on Monday, I can actually call that a four day weekend.

This weekend was very relaxing as most of the fraternity Brothers were in Rolla, MO for the Central Regional Conference. I did not go due to lack of travel funds, and two major reports that I needed to work on and locate some good literature to review. I did plan a trip down to Indianapolis on Saturday to have my hair dyed, and my BFF Bruce's mother Karen owns a spa in a town called New Palistine, which is outside Indianapolis.

It was either my Junior or Senior year in High School, back in either 1988 or 1989 that I decided to make a change to my life by coloring my hair. Unfortunately, I was extremely cheap back then, so I purchased Ms. Clarol brand color dye, and proceeded to dye my dark brown/black hair to Blond, and that was the type of product I purchased. Blond from dark brown/black, at least that is what I remember from the label back then. What I did not know at the time, and it was told to me later by my parents, was that my hair, which looked black, was actually a color called "Midnight Auburn". In other words, my hair appeared black, but if you looked at it just right under direct sunlight, you would be able to see the red tint that is so dark it looks black.

So their I was, following the directions on the package, wait specified amount of time and then prepare to be wowed by my new blond locks of hair.

Suffice to say, that after I washed the solution out of my hair, I was left with a very strange problem. My hair was not blond and was no where near any known shade of blond. My hair had turned bright ORANGE!!! I styled my hair as best I could and the end result had me looking like a deranged Ronald McDonald. I will have to scan the picture from my high school yearbook of me at a pep-rally with that color.

I was happy. I had been home alone when I was doing the coloring, so my family didn't know about it until they returned from where ever it was they had been. They hated it, called my stupid, and demanded that I go to a professional to get the color fixed. This made me even happier, cause I know that I had pissed them off and being the sweet innocent kid that I was, it gave me pride that I had done something bad.

That was not the first episode of me being bad, and it certainly was not the last. I am just enjoying the memory of this piece of my history, as I decided to try and go blond again. It has been over 20 years, my hair has a bit more gray in it now, but I decided that I was going to have a professional take care of my hair this time. So after 3 hours of dying and tinting my hair, during which time I was enjoying my time at the spa by having a nice manicure and relaxing. My hair is now a beautiful shade of Platinum Blond and I absolutely love it. I have received so many compliments from different people especially people I do not even know have some and said hello to me. It makes me feel good.

It was a perfect weekend and I am looking forward to a very exciting week as I get to show off my new hair style.

I want to thank Ms. Karen Robinson (Bruce's mom) for being such a great stylist and being able to bring out the best color I have ever seen. In addition, the manicure was fantastic. The last one I received had me bleeding and in pain for at least a week, due to an improperly clipped cuticle. I will definitely utilize your services for any further hair care needs that I might require.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Health Care Debate and Abortions

As a gay man, I feel that I am ill equipped to discuss the matter of abortion; however, I feel that I have some thoughts that might be of interest in this matter.

First off, I am 38 years old, have been in one relationship in my life with the same man for 12 years, which ended shortly after I entered PhD school. My sister, whom just turned 40, has 6 kids and one grandchild. She had an abortion after her third child due to health concerns. I did not find out about it until many years later (it was in 1992 that she had the abortion). 7 years later, while I was tending to our mother, who had suffered an aneurysm, my sister was giving birth to her fourth child. My mom was 56 and had consistently told us that "One life does not leave, without another life beginning". This message was never more true, than at that moment with my mother and I in a hospital in Reno, Nevada and my sister in a hospital in Pensacola, Florida. I was on the phone with my sister as her fourth child, Robert Tom, was born and our mother was pronounced dead.

My sister went on to have two more children before having her tubes tied. She told me she finally figured out what was causing her to become pregnant all the time, so she had it fixed.

Last year, I received a phone call from my niece, Brittany, which is my sisters third child, the one before the abortion. She was hysterical and crying and needed to speak with her Uncle Eddie, immediately. I was in luck that I was not doing anything important at the moment, so I stopped whatever I was doing and gave her my full attention. My niece told me she was pregnant and didn't know what to do. The father of the child wanted her to have an abortion and the mother of the father would be extremely pissed at her for "trying to trap her baby boy with sex and a child". I asked her if her mother knew or anyone else, and she told me that aside from the father, I was the only other person that knew about this. Both she and the father were 17 and scheduled to graduate the next school year. The call came around March and my niece told me that the baby was due around my birthday which is September 28th.

Dear Reader: Think about everything I just wrote, and imagine how you would handle this situation, think about the people involved.

Here is what I told her, now remember, I am a truly gay man that has never had a relationship with a woman. I can see myself having children in the future, but for now I want to work on completing my PhD and continuing my research in Foodservice Sanitation.

I started by asking a few simple questions:

1. What do YOU want to do?
Her answer: have and keep the baby
2. What does the father want you to do?
He wants her to have an abortion
3. What do you THINK your mom would say?
Every life is precious, and that I should have the baby
4. Who's ultimate decision is it on what happens?
It is my decision.

Then, figuring that she was planning to keep the baby by this point, I asked some follow up questions:

1. When will you tell your mom?
when she gets home from work
2. will you be continuing with school?
Yes, I am scheduled to graduate in May of 2010. Neither of my older brothers graduated college, but I want to show that I can do it, just like my uncle Eddie
3. Are you ready for what I have to say?

I then told her that it was ultimately her decision on keeping the baby, but that I would stand behind whatever decision she made and would help her in any way I could. My only request is that she continue with school, if they would allow her, and get an actual high school diploma. A high school diploma is rare in our family. My mom and myself have one. My father, my sister, and my two nephews do not have high school diplomas, but the do have GED's.

As a result, my niece is scheduled to walk across the stage at her high school late this May/June, I need to get the exact date so I can go visit and watch her make a dream come true. I will then work on helping her get accepted to either a two or four year college, because she is not like Bristol Palin who doesn't have to worry about feeding or housing Tripp.

Anyway, so there is the background to my story, and I know it is very long, but it will lead me into the basis of why I am writing.

On the Rachel Maddow show the other night, she discussed "Abortion Insurance" and how extremely odd it is, considered the object of Insurance is to protect you in the event of an unforeseen circumstance that happens in the future, such as an illness or testing, or necessary medical procedure such as appendectomy, tonsillectomy, etc. her and her guest discussed the fact that no one PLANS to have an abortion, Just like when my sister figured out what was causing her to get pregnant and she tried to fix it. All of her children were conceived while my sister was taking birth control. Since she was on birth control, the male did not use a condom. So under her precautions, pregnancy was unknown and initially considered unwanted; however my sister was adamantly against abortions, so even though it was an unwanted pregnancy, she saw it through to the end.

So this got me to thinking. Women would not purchase abortion insurance, because they might feel that if they do get pregnant they will want to keep the baby. So what would be the point of offering such a policy to a group of people that would not purchase it. But what about parents, grandparents, and men? How do they fall within this picture?

Fairly recently, men have began courting with lawsuits in an attempt to have a say in the pregnancy. Currently, all choices are generally made by the mother of the unborn child, with no need for interaction with anyone, whether they be married or not. I have also noticed that women under the age of 18, can be urged into having an abortion by their caregivers if they so desire, even though this could be cause for child abuse. See:

So as more and more future fathers are granted prenatal rights to the unborn child, their is a theoretical possibility that Men could ultimately carry the abortion insurance on their sperm or themselves, whichever way the underwriters decide to work the language, and then abortion is covered by the man and not the woman. But unless men get to claim custody of the unborn fetus, this would be a useless insurance policy, but could be bundled into one massive policy for those men that like to sleep around a lot and offers to pay for abortions and pregnancies, which would then cover all the basses that the men are responsible for. Not to mention that if the men start the insurance payments early enough, the policy would include an annuity clause that will make substantial child support payments after the child is born.

When looking at the new health care bill, these are some of the things I think about. Is it silly? yes. Does that mean it would never happen? I don't know.

I would love to talk with my sister about her abortion, but I know that it is a very difficult subject, so I tend to avoid that subject.

As a gay man, I care about what happens to the children. If I were finished with my PhD, I would love to adopt or foster a child in need of a home.